The Misadventures of Link: TMOL
by KurashuOtoko
Summary: Link, thrown into...Ah well forget it. Link meets Kurashu when he is given a mission by the Deku Tree. Kurashu, being a trouble cuasing diety, gives Link some extra stress to deal with on his adventure. Rated PG-13 for some swearing.
1. Startings

Discalimer: I listened to a lot of insane music to write what little of this story I have.  
  
CrashMan is copyright CapCom. Legend of Zelda is copywrite Nintendo. Failure to mention Copyright/Trademark IS NOT a challenge of ownership to the owner of the trademark(s)/copyright(s). TMOL is the intelluctual property of KurhasuOtoko.  
Long ago, in a land far, far, far, far, far away there was a young boy, see? Amd this boy was the only one of his kind without a fairy to annoy the crap outta of him, see? So one day this Giant Tree gave the kid a fairy one the condition he went inside the tree and killed a giant bug, see? And thus begins our story, SEE?!  
  
"WHAT?!" Link questioned the Great Deku Tree at the top of his lungs. "YOU WANT ME, TO GO INSIDE OF YOU, AND KILL A GAINT BUG?!"  
  
"Yes," the tree anwsered. "Do you have a problem with that?"  
  
"...Yes"  
  
"Why? I gave you a fairy."  
  
"So? That means this thing will just make me mad every time I try to do something."  
  
"...That is what navi does, that is why I gave her to you... f00!"  
  
"Since when do trees say f00? SINCE WHEN DO I ARGUE WITH TREES?!"  
  
"Link, just go inside and give the old tree his wish." Navi intervined.  
  
"YOU STAY OUTTA OF THIS!" Link and the tree yelled at the same time.  
  
"Alright, alright, alright." Link said "But how do I get-"  
  
The tree opened his mouth beofre Link could finish.  
  
"How do I know you won't chew me up like a Hyrulian Gummy Bear?" Link questioned.  
"...You're not Hyrulian... You're uh...uh...uh....GERMAN! Yeah that's it, German. Haven't you ever noticed your heavy accent?"  
  
"..."  
  
"Just get rid of the bug inside me."  
  
So our mighty hero marched inside the tree to be confront by...  
  
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" Link shouted. "THE TREE WANTS ME TO CRASH A TEA PARTY?!"  
  
"DEAR LORD IT IS LINK!!!!" One of the monsters shouted.  
  
"I want your autograph."  
  
"NO GIVE IT TO ME!!"  
  
"I WANTED IT FIRST!"  
  
"I don't give autographs. And I don't drink tea either." Link started. "And Navi, why did you bring me here without a sword?"  
  
"I, uh...uh...uh....BYE NOW!" Navi said as she dissappeared into Link's shirt.  
  
"YOU STUPID FAIRY! GET OUT HERE!"  
  
Navi reappeared, and quickly disappeared again. Link cursed a bit, and then pick up a rock.  
  
"NAVI IF YOU DON'T GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW I AM GOING TO BUST OUTTA HERE!" Link shouted at the top of his lungs.  
  
Link threw the rock at a wall, and it bounced back at him. Link ducked, and the rock flew past him, it hit something and made a strange ding sound. Link turned around.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Link passed out from fright and was eaten by all the monsters. THE END!  
  
*is hit on head with frying pan*  
  
Ok, Link wasn't eaten by the monsters. But what he saw was much worse. The thing he saw gived even the bravest men the willies, it cuases dragons to run away, and evil end bosses to wet their pants. This- *is hit on head with frying pan again*  
  
OUCH! STUPID PERSON! *dodges frying pan*  
  
Link saw the "real-world", apparently he had all these adevntures and almost had been killed all those time becuase someone with a controller and a mountain dew.  
  
"It was only a nightmare. When I open my eyes the vicous monster with sharp teeth won't be there. The person I saw was part of my nightmare made to horrify me into this state." Link was doing his best to re-assure himself it was only a nightmare. He stood oppen and opened his eyes. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" *thud*  
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Link's SideNote- THUD?!?! I DIDN'T MAKE A THUD SOUND! I MADE MORE LIKE A LITTLE SISSY SCREAM/I WET MY PANTS SOUND!  
Kurashu's SideNote- What is your name again?  
Link's SideNote- Link. You know that.  
Kurashu's SideNote- HAHA! I got it on tape! *is hit by frying pan again*  
Link's SideNote- ...  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Back to the story.   
  
"Well," Link spoke with a depressed tone. He was back home laying on his bed now. "I geuss my life is a lie. I am not real, my entire life has been a lie. I geuss I won't be going to where and defeating Gannondork again."  
  
"NO!" Navi yelled at Link, making him sit up fast and hitting his head on his ceiling. "I WON'T LET YOU!"  
  
"You are going to do that how?" Link asked, rubbing his head. "Magical Fairy Dust?"  
  
"That is only in the movies." Navi quickly hide her bag of magic fairy dust. "I use... uh...uh...THIS DRINK MIX!"  
  
"...That is a bag of Magic Fairy Dust with Drink Mix added on the end of it."  
  
"Yes it is."  
  
"No it isn't."  
  
"Yes it is."  
  
"No it isn't."  
  
"Yes it is."  
  
"No it isn't."  
  
"..... Why are we arguing again?"  
  
"Magical Fairy Dust Drink?"  
  
"I think I am going to get a sword JUST so I can kill you."  
  
"And I wonder why you can't get a date with Saria."  
  
"WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT HER?!"  
  
"You're blushing."  
  
"No, I'm not.... Ok I am."  
  
"Saira and Link sittin in a tree-"  
  
FWOOSH! Navi is put into a bottle and the lid popped on.  
  
"LET THE POWER OF PONCH COMPELL YOU!!!" Link realized he'd been watching too much Space Ghost: Coast to Coast, and recited Zorak's latest insane quote. "Er...I meant I should get a sword just to kill you." 


	2. AHHHHHH! REAL BIG OWL THINGYS!

And so our hero went forth to retrive a sword to slay his annoying fairy from hell the giant bug in the tree.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Link screamed as he was hit by a boulder.  
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Link's SideNote- Why was I hit with a boulder?  
Kurashu's SideNote- Becuase I said so, and that is a good enough reason for you.  
Link's Sidenote- You su- *is hit by frying pan thrown by Kurashu*  
Kurashu's Sidenote- ...Idiot  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Navi... why didn't YOU TELL EM ABOUT THE GIANT ROLLING BOULDER?!"  
  
"I ist trauig." Navi responded in rapid German.  
  
"I am NOT GERMAN!!!"  
  
"Yes you are..."  
  
"Didn't I put you in bottle?"  
  
"Tschuess."  
  
"..."  
  
Link managed to get through the boulder trap (after being hit five or six times), and retirved his sword.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" Link cursed. "IT IS A DAGGER!"  
  
"It is a sword." Navi responded.  
  
"It's a dagger, don't you see? HALF THE PEOPLE IN THIS TWO ARE TWICE AS BIG AS THIS!"  
  
"The oth-" Navi was popped into a bottle again.  
  
"I don't need you running off at the mouther anymore. Now what to do with my DAGGER. Maybe I should slay that beastie in the talking tree. BETTER YET, I'LL KILL YOU!" Link shot Navi a dirty look.  
  
"NEIN! NEIN!" Navi tried to Link, but the glass muffled her words.  
  
"ENOUGH NAZI FAIRY!" Link shouted. "YOU DIE HERE!"  
  
Link raised his sword to strike down Navi when all of sudden there was a mighty explosion, and wood chips rained down upon the village where Link lived.  
  
"Crap. I will surely be exiled for this act of terrorism upon my land."  
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Kurashu's SideNote- Link did you just smart all of a sudden?  
Link's SideNote- 2+2=5  
Kurashu's SideNote- Just checking.  
  
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"DEAR LORD ALMIGHTY!" Navi started.  
  
"STUPID FAIRY! IN THE BOTTLE OR OFF WITH YOUR uh....uh...HEAD- er WINGS! Plus I bet it was just Mido trying to master the skill of throwing bombs at rocks. Bombs don't travel that far with small wicks. *insert evil laugh here*"  
  
"LINK! I AM DISSAPPOINTED IN YOU!"  
  
"OFF WITH YOUR WINGS ANNOYING FAIRY!" Link rose his sword, and brought down with it an owl. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!' *thud*"  
  
"Hello Link." The owl started. "I a-"  
  
"I'd careless who you are, so much as WHAT YOU'RE DOING ON MY DAGGER! That and how you taste when mixed with fairy."  
  
"Actually, people say that- HEY! If I didn't know better, I'd say you're trying to kill me."  
  
"Huh?" Link tosses away two VERY sharp knives in the gneral direction of Navi, a loud blood curdling scream is heard, but noone really cares enough to worry. "So why are you here again, and what is your name?"  
  
"I am the All Knowing Owl, I have another name but I forgot it. And I am here to annoy the crap out of you every time you do something right, and advance in the game."  
  
"Can I kill you?"  
  
"No, beucase I seem to freeze time, and fly away before anyone can move. NEINER NEINER!"  
  
"Apparently you forgot your powers at home today buddy. BECUASE I AM GOING TO EAT YOU!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Yes run in terror. *insert evil laugh here* Penguin has-been. *insert another evil laugh*"  
  
And so our once honset hero enjoyed a feast of owl, fairy wings as a side, and was kept warm by the bark and other pieces of the Great Deku tree that had bothered him awhile ago when the tree exploded becuase of the "bestie" indie it. *cough*Dynamit*cough**cough* 


	3. Heart Container Quest

"I geuss now that I am rested, have a weapon, and have enough food to last me for three days I should get outta of here before I am hung for blowing up the tree." Link paused for a second "...Why am I talking to myself, there isn't anyone eles here."  
  
Link set out to see if there were any remains of the talking tree. Wait until he hear his reaction when he got there.   
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! ZOMBIE TREE!" Link ran around in circles screaming at the top of his little lung. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *thud right into a tree root* Ow. Stupid tree, I SHOULD KILL YOU!!!! WHERE'S A LIGHTER?!"  
  
"Link," the zombifed tree started. "You blew me up, you will suffer the conquences."  
  
"How? I don't get the bombs until the next level. And don't try to correct me, I have read the Nintendo Power Player's Guide to this, and they made it. f00! And plus Mido is the only person that is here that has bombs."  
  
"I still request you d-" the talking tree died, and a large green stone with gold on it fell from its branches.  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!" Link shouted, holding his head.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Link's Sidenote- Why did I get hit with that?  
Kurashu's Sidenote- Why not?  
Link's Sidenote- Curse you and your authoring powers.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Ohhh pretty rock. I think I'll keep it. I mean the tree dropped it on me didn't he?" Link picked up the rock and put where he keeps the rest of his stuff. "Off to Dodongo's Cavern, and retrive my braclet, and bomb sack.... I ahve the odd feeling I am forgetting something. MY HEART CONTAINER! IT IS INSIDE THE TREE! HOW STUPID OF ME TO FORGET IT!"  
  
So Link went inside the tree, this time with a DAGGER, and a make-shift sheild carved from left over wood he had from his fire.  
  
"Ok, lets see here, there is a big hole here, a slingshot hanging on what appears a huge cobweb, and some sticks. No enemies, I geuss that is a plus. Lots of sharp pieces of wood, some string, I hear a fire going on down below. PERFECT!"  
  
And so Link gathered the materials he had. Using his sw- er Dagger, he carved a large piece of wood into a make shiftbow, and attached the string. using the left over wood, he made some arrows with string on the so he climb on them so not to kill himself by jumping down the hole.  
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Kurashu's Sidenote- Tell me, did some docotrs come and preform an operation on you like they did in the moive Charlie between the last chapter and this one.  
Link's Sidenote- Yes. I is more smarter now!  
Kurashu's Sidenote- I can tell.  
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And so our "more smarter" hero hiked down the hole, gathering the slingshot on the way. Misplacing his foot, he tripped and fell down the hole.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *thud crack* Ow, my spine, I think I broke it. I hate my life."  
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LemonJello- haha! u brok ur spione!!!  
Kurashu- What the hell?! LJ what are you doing in here.  
LemonJello- Look over there! *runs off*  
Kurashu- Huh? *hit with frying pan*  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Link stands up, and then falls down again.  
  
"Ow. My spine."  
  
IS THIS TH END FOR OUR GREEN TUNICED HERO?! OR IS IT JUST A TRICK TO LURE THE BOSS OUT?! FIND OUT NEXT TIME! SAME LINK TIME, SAME LINK CHANNEL!!!! 


	4. OUTSIDE WORLD!

Link stood up, his spine broken in multiple places. His eye was gashed from the left to the right. There was a chicken stuck up his butt.  
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Link's Sidenote- Cut the crap. And get this chicken outta of my ass!  
Kurashu's Sidenote- SIR, YES, SIR!  
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"....My butt hurts."  
  
Link stood up, pulled the chicken out of his rectum and began forth, correcting his spine as needed. After several hours of hard work, he recovered his Heart Container.  
  
"YE- Oh god my spine."  
  
Soon Link's broken body was surruonded by hundereds of harmless animals as if it was some sort of kiddy movie.  
  
"Somebody shoot me."  
  
"That can be arranged."  
  
"Shuddup Kurashu."  
  
A lightning bolt struck our hero, bringing him to his sences and worshiping me, KurashuOtoko Authoring f00 of this Fan-Fic.  
  
"So sorry sir. It was wrong of me to question you."  
  
"Yes it was, but all can be forgiven."  
  
"I've become an asskisser." Link thought.  
  
"I can here you thoughts too."  
  
"Eh, mean I would glady lick your toes."  
  
Link quickly corrected his posture, and shoed away the animals with a swipe or fifty five of his sword. But soon, Link had a much bigger problem to deal with.  
  
"WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH FOUR HEARTS?! I mean, jeeze I started with three, and now I have FOUR! I mean, jeeze I could take on Gannon with four hearts, I wouldn't win but still."  
  
Link was struck down with another thunder bolt.  
  
"Go forth to Hyrule Castle. There you will meet a beautiful Princess. You must complete two tasks for her."  
  
"What are those tasks?"  
  
"That is confindental, if I told you Zelda would kill me."  
  
"Bleh, whatever. I read the script anyways."  
  
And thus forward our Hero went to try to enter Hyrule Castle Town. One the way he encountered many an enemy. Here is one account of an encounter.  
  
"SWEET MERICFUL CRAP!" Link yelled as he jumpe doutta of the way of a zombiefied skeleton thingy poping up of the ground. "NAZI YYOU DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT THEM!!!"  
  
"The name is is Navi, and you never asked so thus I never told you.  
  
"You're still a Nazi Fairy for not trying to tell me." Link swung his sword at the monsters, but they just laughed and ate his sheild. "GREAT! THERE GOES MY SHEILD TOO!!"  
  
Navi tried to intervine but was just chopped in half by Link's rabid swinging. Soon, Link thwarted the attack of enemies. He taped Navi back together, and proceeded to yell at her.  
  
"YOU STOOPID USELESS FAIRY!!!!!! YOU GOT CUT IN HALF!!!! I SHOULD HAVE LEFT YOU IN TWO PIECES!!!!"  
  
And so, Link made his way to the drawbridge gate of Hyrule Castle Town.  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN "'VISITING HOURS OVER'!?!?!?!?!?! I SHOULD BUST IN THERE AND KILL YOU FOR THIS!!!!!!11!!!oneoneone!!!!" Link yelled, a vein popping out of his head ready to explode.  
  
"Li-"  
  
"YOU NAZI FAIRY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!"  
  
"Bu-"  
  
"NO BUTS! IN THE BOTTLE AND DIE!!!!"  
  
"Sir. Sir, SIR?!" the gate guard yelled at Link. "I'm sorry but I'm going to have to report you to the 'Fairy and Other Magical Creatures Abuse Center'."  
  
"WHY, DEAR GOD, WHY ME?!"  
  
"Yes, we have a Fairy Bottler here." the guard spoke into a long pipe-tube-thingy. "Ok good. Nice to talk to you."  
  
"So, what's the verdict stoopid?"  
  
"You're now an officially wanted man. GUARDS, GUARDS!"  
  
"Screw this crap, if I want LttP antics I would have stayed there. Look, just let me in, I don't rip your guts out and feed them to the pigs and everyone is happy. Plus, you don't want the big guy up there to be mad either do you?"  
  
"Stop lying through your teeth. I am prefect in ever way. He would-"  
  
"Kurashu."  
  
Almost as if the lord commanded it, wait I did XDHAHA, a lightning bolt struck down in front of the guard's post.  
  
"Oh, so sorry sir."  
  
"Thankies Cr- er...Kurashu."  
  
"IF YOU MESS UP ONE MORE TIME, LIGHTS OUT FOR YOU LINK!!!!!"  
  
"Yes big scary voice in the sky. I shall thing I am Too Sexy (Hyrule version) to please you know.  
centerI'm Too Sexy For My Tunic  
Too Sexy For My Tunic  
So Sexy It Hurts  
And I'm Too Sexy For Hyrule  
Too Sexy For Hyrule  
Termania And Dark World  
  
I'm Too Sexy For Your Quest  
Too Sexy For Your Quest  
No Way I'm Fighting him  
  
I'm A Fighter, Ya Know What I Mean  
And I Do My Little Fight with The End Boss  
Yeah With The End Boss  
With The End Boss Yeah  
I Do My Little Fight with The End Boss  
  
I'm Too Sexy For My Horse  
Too Sexy For My Horse  
Too Sexy Of Course  
I'm Too Sexy For My Hat  
Too Sexy For My Hat  
What Ya Think About That  
  
I'm A Fighter, Ya Know What I Mean  
And I Do My Little Fight with The End Boss  
Yeah With The End Boss  
With The End Boss Yeah  
I Do My Little Fight with The End Boss  
  
Too Sexy For My  
Too Sexy For My  
Too Sexy For My  
  
I'm A Fighter, Ya Know What I Mean  
And I Do My Little Fight with The End Boss  
Yeah With The End Boss  
With The End Boss Yeah  
I Do My Little Fight with The End Boss  
  
I'm Too Sexy For My Sword  
Too Sexy For My Sword  
Poor Swordy  
Poor Swordy Wordy  
I'm Too Sexy For My Lover  
Too Sexy For My Lover  
Lover's Going To Leave Me  
  
And I'm Too Sexy For Myself, oh no! "/center  
Link continued singing, until the sun came, or he was hauled away by the men in white coats, I couldn't remember, I was too busy laughing. I'm thinking it was the second one because the guard made another call after he canceled the Fairy Abuse Busters whoever they were, and then he brust out laughing too. 


	5. Break out! Commited Hero

Link, now in the custody of the Hyrule Instution for the Mentally Unfit, was planning a breakout. His plan would require one other person, some rope, bombs, a match, two and a half chickhen, and his horoscope for the day.  
  
"Hmmm...." Link flipped through the pages of the newspaper.  
  
"LLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKK!!!! Can't we break out now, we have everything."An annoying little pipsqeak tugged at Link's side.  
  
"Not my horoscope. Hmmmm, I think I'm a Scorpio. Hmmm.... Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window. Work a little bit harder on improving you low self esteem, you stupid freak. ...Stupid horoscope. I geuss it is right, because f the disclaimer at the top."  
  
"What disclaimer?"  
  
Link handed the kid the newspaper. The Disclaimer read:  
centerNow you may find it inconciveable  
or at the very least a bit unlikely,  
that the relitive position of the  
planets and the stars could have  
could a special deep significance  
or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,  
But let me give you my assurance  
that these forcasts and predictions,  
are all based on on solid scientific documented evidence,  
so you would have to be some kind of moron,  
not to realize that every single one  
of them is absoultely true, Where was I?/center  
"Hmmm..." The peasky child mumbled. "What's mine? Virgo...Virfo...Virgo. AH! Here it is. All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligence, EXCEPT FOR YOU! Expect a big suprise today, when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick."  
  
"XDHAHA" Link brust out laughing. "Atleast something was right in there. *impales anoying kid's head on stick*"  
  
Link took the impaled head at the window with it until the glass broke, then he beat the bars with it. Then he took the rope, tied to bomb to the window and lit it. Soon fllowed was a large explosion, link hitting walls, and some fried chickens.  
  
"I geuss that means it worked. *cough**thud*"  
  
Link stoopd up, and walked over to the hole in the wall. When he peered through it, he fell out. Not graceful is he? But to his surprise the Loonely Bin had been inside the Hyrule Castle Town gates.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!*bounce**bounce**bounce*thud*" Link coughed and checked his injuries, minor injuries, ribs are only smashed into powered and my internal organ have fifty thousand holes in them. Meh, life sucks. I hate my life. Always doing what Kurashu says for what? DEATH EVERYTIME I FALL DOWN!!!!!"  
  
"CURE 53!!!!"  
  
"FEELING BETTER. I feel like singing again.  
centerWho let the Armos out  
{who, who, who, who ?!}  
{who, who, who, who ?!  
{who, who, who, who ?!}  
{who, who, who, who ?!}  
  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
  
{who, who, who, who ?!}  
  
When the quest was good, the quest was peaceful {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}  
And everybody havin' fun {Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo}  
I tell the warriors "…start the sword fightin'…" {Yippie Yi Yo}  
And the mages to summon a monster for us  
The insane Armos show down {ha ha yippi yi yo!}  
  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
  
Say, A Armos is nuttin' if he don't have a sword  
All a Armos hold ya' sword, all Armos hold it  
Say, A Armos is nuttin' if he don't have a sword  
All a Armos hold ya' sword, all Armos hold it  
  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}  
Who let the Armos out {who, who, who, who ?!}/center  
FEELS GOOD TTO BE ALIVE! *run over by children* Ow, my new ribs."  
  
Link walked through the town after taking care of some "business" invovling kids and a sword. He saw all the shops, and marked which ones he'd raid later tonight.  
  
"Time to bust into the castle, and steal the Princess away." Link rubbed his hands together the way badguys do on cartoons. 


	6. Castle Break In!

Link walked up to the guard be the gate.  
  
"Hey, you wouldn't mind letting me in would you?"  
  
"Can't."  
  
Link held up a bag of rupees.  
  
"Now?"  
"So sorry sir. I didn't recognize you."  
"It is ok, just don't ask me to save you from the impending horrible death you are soon to befall!"  
"Whatever, just get inside before I change my mind."  
  
So Link adavaced forward stealthly evading guards. When he came the moat he jump in, and swam to the bottom of it, and emerged at a small mound of dirt built up on the corner of it. He could see an opening he could get in the castle from. Now just to get to it.  
  
"HEY YOU! WAKE UP! *slap slap slap slap slap*" Link was yelling at a fat guy blocking his way. "WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Link hit the guy with some sticks he'd gotten from the tree. Link beat him until he fell down in defeated exhaustion. But as he did, the man jumped up, and dashed off.  
  
"That was incredibly strange." Link shurgged, and jumped onto a ledge and climbed inside the opening he saw earlier. "Hmmm... interesting castle courtyard."  
  
Link looked around a bit, and noticed that guards where everywhere.  
  
"Great, just great. Time for monkey aerobics classes to pay off."  
  
Link jumped over the first set of guards, ran as fast as he could past the second. He climbed on to the set of logs that had been layed out. Running acrossed it, Link tripped, but quickly rebounded himself and jumped off. Now Link was faced with two guards, he jumped on the first one, and then dashed before the second. Link looked at the miniature maze, and the guards patrolling it. He ran into the maze, knocking over one guard and nearly smashing into the second. He rounded the corner and nearly hit the wall. Link speed off into Zelda's Inner CourtYard. 


	7. Interlude Numero Uno

We are sorry for interrupting your normal programming. But this is a test of the emerency system.  
  
"(insert annyoing BBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP sound here)"  
  
Nah, we're just joshing ya.  
  
So far the story has been straigh forward... Ok I lied. I've twisted the tory into a square knot so far, except more of that. Comedy has been in check by Link's intellect kicking in every now and then. I dunno how long that will last, Link's intelligence that is.  
  
Expect some special geusts. Such as: Samus Aran from Metroid, Mario from where you know, CrashMan from MegaMan Two, Kou Uraki from Gundam 0083, Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke Hime, Dad from the Brak Show, and possibly others.  
  
See You Space Cowboy. 


	8. Zelda's Meeting MARIO'S BEATING!

Link tripped as he ran into Zelda's inner-courtyard, cause Zelda to brust out laughing. The guards chasing Link doubled over in laughter, and Link was embrassed. After a minute or so everyone stopped laughing, the guards went back to partolling (Why??), and Link walked up to Zelda and started to talk to her.  
  
"Ok, so you want me to wage a one man war against the soon to be King of All Evil because you think he might give the king a wedgie?" Link stated in utter amazement.  
  
"Yes." Zelda said innocently.  
  
"I suppose. I am getting paid for this right?"  
  
"All the weapons, money, and supplies you find, and/or retrive on your quest."  
  
"...Not what I meant, but it will do. Where do I go now??"  
  
"There are two other caverns that you must explore and retrive the mystic stone from. One is to the east, it is the Cavern of Metroid, you will encounter many strange beasts there. The other is to the west, the Hall of Gundam. In those places you will find the Metorid Egg, and The Gundam Head respectivly."  
  
"Huh?" Link interupted again, not paying attention as usual.  
  
"Sigh. Link, what will ever do with you? You funny little Tokay look alike."  
  
"Do you realize how much I hate Tokays?"  
  
"No, not really. But's that beside the point. You must go now to the Cavern of Metroids, and recover the Metroid Egg for me. There is Mario, my assitant, he will take you to the Castle Enterance."  
  
"...Mario?" Link questioned. "Mar-MARIO?! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"  
  
"IT'S A ME, A MARIO!"  
  
"IT'S A GONNA BE IMMA DEADIO IN A FEW MINUTES!!!!!"  
  
And so with Mario the interduction over with, Link chased him rabidly outside the castle. Where upon mario falling, Link jabbed him multiple times in the side with a stick, until the plumber passed out.  
  
"TAKE THAT! STEALING MY SPOT ON THE GAMEFAQS CHARACTER BATTLE!!!" Link continued jabbing at him until guards came to see what was going on. And by that time Link had left, headed for the Cavern of Metroids in the Metroid Heights. 


	9. The Bounty Hunter Named Samus Aran

Link walked into the cavern, not knowing what to expect. Out of now where, a jellyfish thingy appeared, and latched onto Link's head. Link flailed around some, before falling over.  
  
"AAAHHH!!! GET IT OFF!!! GET IT OFF!!!" Link screamed.  
  
A single shot rang out, and the jellyfish on Link's head blew up. Link looked around and saw a single metal clad person, with a buster.  
  
"Come young one, more Metroids are on their way here." the person spoke.  
  
The person guided Link to a safe house of sorts. The person, when safely inside the safe house, removed their helmet to reveal that the person was a girl, a sexy one at that.  
  
"I am Samus Aran, bounty hunter and Metroid exterminator. What is your name."  
  
"Uhh...my name? Yeah my name is...uhh." Link bumbled, "My name is...uhh Link."  
  
"So, you're the only Zelda was talking about. Nice to meet you." Samus said smiling. "Here, let me show you around."  
  
So, Samus showed Link around. She showed him some of the less important rooms, but she made it clear that she was mostly found in the 'War Room' or her personal quarters, and if he needed anything that she would be more than likely in one of those two spots.  
  
"Ok? I'm gonna get some sleep, since I've been on duty for the past four days." Samus said. "And if you plan on going back onto that cave, you should check with our Weapon's Development Section. They should be able to help you."  
  
With that done Link walked and muttered something about how stupid this quest is.  
  
"Link I'm surprised at you."  
"BAH! KURASHU! I'M SO SORRY I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN DON'T HURT ME PLEASE DEAR GOD DON'T HURT ME!"  
"Ok...but I'm Zelda. I have telewhatchmacallit."  
"Telekensis?"  
  
"Yes that you funny orange clad warrior. When I'm older we'll have to go on a date."  
"Sorry, but for now I am but a figure of your imagination."  
"KURASHU! YOU'RE FAKE?!"  
Link is hit with Thunderbolt  
"And so are you, but only to me and the readers. And that works backwards to. We are fake to you, however I can exsist in both worlds after I GAIN ULTIMATE POWER! BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, excuse me while I go and get my pill now."  
  
Link stumbled into the WAD Section of the base. In there, several scientist of Chozo decent were furiously working away at weapons for Samus and the warriors. Link started to talk with one that wasn't busy, and managed to get a hook up with a power beam that would take seven years to complete for biological use.  
  
"Ok, you call me then. Haha." the scientist said. "Yeah... you moron." he added silently.  
"Imagine that Link. Someone besides me thinks you're a moron."  
"Kurashu, when I get to you, you WILL PAY!"  
"Oh really, Thunderga." the magical heavenly voice spoke lamely, and then laughed at Link's medium-rare body.  
"Next time you do that I'll...I'll...I'll...I DUNNO WHAT I'LL DO BUT IT'll BE SOMETHING BAD FOR YOU!"  
"Tunderga."  
"Ow. KRASHUMoN STOP THAT!"  
"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME THAT NAME! THUNDERGA! THUNDERGA! THUNDERGA! THUNDERGA! THUNDERGA!"  
"I really with you would stop that. *cough**cough* Ow, my insides are cooked. *thud*  
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"Why do you always cook me?"  
"Because I can. Thunderga."  
"THAT HURTS! *cough*"  
"Thunderga. Thunderga. Thunderga. Thunderga."  
"*crash boom bang* My insides are MEDIUM RARE!"  
"I'm sorry did you want them well done? Thunderga. Thunderga. Thunderga. Thunderga.Thunderga. Thunderga. Thunderga. Thunderga.Thunderga. Thunderga. Thunderga. Thunderga."  
"Ow. I'm sorry, I'll question you again."  
"Yeah, that's what you said last time. Thunderga."  
"I RESENT THIS! NOW HEAL ME!"  
"Maybe later."  
  
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AND THAT CONCLUDES LINK'S ADVENTURES FOR TODAY! TUNE IN NEXT UPDATE, SAME LINK WEBSITE, SAME LINK TIME!  
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"Heal me please."  
"Later."  
"*puppy eyes*"  
"Stupid guilty consince I don't have. Cure 78" 


	10. Mido Is The New Forest Sage?

Link stood in front of the Metroid Cavern, and was very displeased with what he saw. A large metal gate stood in his path, near it were some missle flowers. He had seen them around the Chozo City, but never payed them any mind. And now they seemed his only way into the Cavern. He kicked one, and was thrown back by the explosion, landing ontop of a Chozo Citizen, named Frank. (THAT IS IMPORTANT REMEMBER IT!!!)  
  
"Uhh...sorry?" Link said jumping off the Chozo. "It won't happen again."  
  
The disguntled Chozo pulled out a Ice Beam Gun and fired it at Link, freezing him in his tracks. He stood there, frozen, until he thawed...several days later.  
  
"Kurashu...why did you let that happen?" Link questioned.  
"Becuase yound cricket, I can." Deitytical (Aforementioned word is copyright(©) 2003 Xual Henfa(KurashuOtoko) Why? because he just that good.) laughing here.  
"Screw you."  
"Nah, I don't believe in that before marriage. =P"  
  
Link strechted his arms, and realized that he still couldn't get into Metroid Cavern.  
  
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"What? Did you expect someone to come and unblockx0rs it for you?"  
"Well kinda...yeah. I did."  
"Sucker."  
  
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"I geuss I'll go see Samus about this one."  
  
SEVERAL HOURS (or Whours if you're Chung) LATER!  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE MAP TO SEE MY EX- JUST TO GET A SONG TO CHEER YOU UP?!" Link practically screamed at Samus.  
"Respect you're elders. And besides, one of the Chozo died. I'm sad."  
"I think you're just munipulating...or whatever that big word is just so you can get a happy song."  
"No...not at all." Samus said in a blantly lying voice.  
"SEE?!"  
"See what? I didn't see that."  
"I swear if this glove doesn't grant the power of the bodybuilders I will take you to court."  
  
And so Link was off, off to the Saria of the Sacred Meadow...AKA Link's Ex-. Why is Saria Link's Ex-? Link cuaght her kissing Mido...big break up scene. It was in Chapter One if you missed it...I GOT TO GO! *zip*  
  
AFTER TRAVRESING SEVERAL FEET OF LAND!  
  
"*pant Pant huff huff* I'm back....for now. Where's Saria?" Link asked when he reached the Town Hall."  
"Saria? We brunt her at the stake after we cuaght he making out with Mido. And Mido...well...he became the new Forest Sage."  
"WHAT?! SARIA WAS IMPORTANT TO THE STORY IN THE SENCE OF THAT SHE TEACHES ME A SONG!"  
"Mido remixed it, now it is better.Calls it Lostwoods The MidoMan Remix."  
"Mido...Man? XDHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
"Laugh all you want, but I have money coming out my ying yang."  
"Your what what?"  
  
And so Link and Mido battled over some pointles crap, and then link tricked Mido into teaching him the new Remix.  
  
"XDHAHAHAHAHA! YOU ARE THE STUPIDEST PERSON EVER! NOW I CAN RELEASE A COVER ALBUM AND MAKE MONEY COME OUT MY YING YANG TOO!"  
"You dork."  
  
So Link has the song he needed, but will he escape from Mido to deliever it in time? Find out in the next chapter. 


End file.
